I have spent a great deal of my life learning to be kind to myself and I know how it transformed me.
I also know, therefore, how complicated it is.
I mean how to be kind to yourself when you do not even know what it means? Self-love is a difficult subject.
You don’t even realize when that naughty voice inside you as a kid changed from ‘I am so cool’ to ‘Why do I hate myself so much’.
The question of why it happens has been explored from social psychology to self-destructive legendary characters on the silver screen.
The point is, it happens.
And most probably to all of us, at some point in our lives.
So, let us take some steps today ensuring we come out of it. Making sure that we are kind to ourselves, even when others are not, and even when we seem to lose our way around life.
Here they are!
9 tips on how to be kind to yourself
Forgive yourself
Yes, first and foremost.
Guilt causes more turmoil in this world than you think.
The guilt of not doing enough. The problem is, often, people don’t even know what is enough or when is enough. So, they keep killing themselves over it.
The guilt of doing something wrong and wanting to change it your whole life! Well, make your peace with it and move on. What is done is done, and those who do not do anything for the fear of messing it up, never grow or learn anything. Stop living under its shadow and let go.
Forgive yourself for this and that and see how you will lift the bondage of guilt from your shoulders.
It is liberating!
Practice positive self-talk
I cannot emphasize the importance of positive self-talk enough.
It can change lives. It changed mine.
Have you realized we constantly talk to ourselves?
It is not just you, it is the entire humanity.
Unless you learn to tame that tiny little voice inside you, it will keep you in self-defeating mode.
Turn it from negative to positive.
From ‘You don’t have to like me’ to ‘I am irresistible’ and see how your life changes.
Don’t forget to drop me a note when it does, it is awesome to hear stories of transformation 😊
Serve others
My teacher says what you want in your life, give.
Sounds crazy right? It isn’t. Let me give you an example.
Trying to take control of other’s lives or worrying about them, making sure that ‘they’ live a healthy life or a protected life is nothing but trying to heal our wounds through them.
The child inside you who felt unprotected seeks to save himself by protecting others.
There can be other expressions of this lack inside us, but this is one.
And even though it may take us time to find the way back to ourselves, it happens eventually when we understand, that whatever we do, we can only do so much for others.
So if you need love, give love; if you need money, help people get employment or get connected to their calling; if you want to be heard, learn to listen to others and you shall find your way back.
Stop downplaying yourself
Some of us have this tendency to downplay ourselves. I used to do it all the time. I still do it, but less because Yoga taught me how important I am.
The most pivotal thing that appeals to me about Yoga is that it celebrates the individuality of each of us. It tells us how special and unique we are – with different bodies, different abilities, and different calling in life.
And we are supposed to respect each of those unique attributes, to be able to reach our highest potential, of self-realization.
Each action we take working to our positive strengths is an expression of our dominant Chakras working at their best. And as we keep honing our strengths, the expression of our energy centers becomes better and more balanced. To find out more about how it works, read my Chakra Guide which is the highest-rated post on my blog.
Cut down on your urge to crib and complain
Try this trick – stand in front of a mirror and watch your expressions.
Ease out any creases on the forehead and around the mouth; let all the tension go away from your face. Now sense the difference in your thoughts and your mood. Instant.
Do this every day for a few days and then not by looking in the mirror but just by being aware of your facial expressions. You will be surprised to see how much impact easing out your expressions can have in your being a more peaceful and sorted person.
Now imagine, what must happen when you start easing out your whole being; by avoiding the stimulus that caused your facial expressions in the first place, from the inside.
When we crib and complain, we allow things to get to us. We go out of control and out of comfort, stressing ourselves and depriving our bodies of positive energy and nutrition. Often, it becomes a habit.
By being aware of your expressions, you can tap into this disturbance and regulate it from the inside.
Even if something is disturbing you, handle it with peace instead of cribbing and complaining. Because someone has said rightly ‘Worry is just a chair that keeps rocking, but takes you nowhere’.
Maintain a self-care routine
And by a self-care routine, I mean ANY routine.
If you never took care of your body strength, do that.
In case you let your feet get all callous, take care of that.
If you have never taken care of your skin, start a skincare routine. Just start a self-care routine.
A small act of pampering can change your whole attitude toward yourself. And it can also change the attitude of others toward you.
When I started doing Yoga every day and my energy levels shot up, it boosted my work and self-confidence too.
One self-care routine can improve multiple dimensions of your life. So, maintain one, and stop shaming yourself for doing it.
Stop trying to please everyone
Now, you are You are person. You are, and that is OK.
However, you are a good person and you want everyone to know it, is a problem.
Why do you have to anyway? Have you ever thought about it?
It has got nothing to do with anyone else surprisingly. That’s right.
Your urge to please other people has everything to do with yourself. Your lower opinion of yourself. The fact that you haven’t yet learned to acknowledge your goodness and so you need other people to do that for you.
What all of us need to understand is that we are not perfect but so is no one else. Therefore, embrace yourself with your strengths and weaknesses and be pleased with yourself before you want anyone else to be. Because it will never be worth it if you don’t.
Find your purpose
Have you ever felt like you are losing the meaning of life?
Look closely, most probably you aren’t living the life that you are meant to live.
Finding your purpose is the single most important thing you need to have an enriched life. And no matter how long it takes, find it you must.
I had a particularly difficult journey and left my well-paying job and a 12-year career long for it. I put everything I had on stake for it, and I thank every day that I did.
It shall not be easy for you too, because nothing worth it, is.
But I can tell you there is nothing more fulfilling than to find your calling.
So, get up, be kind to yourself, and make sure you are living the life you are meant to be, by living through purpose.
Surrender
No act of being kind to yourself is complete without surrender.
Do whatever you may, but if the emotion of surrender is not attached to your doing, you will lose the peace of your mind. And we don’t want that.
Having total control is not just impossible but is a complete myth and downright boring.
You cannot evolve through things you know your way around. You can only evolve through challenges.
And being in a challenge is all about surrender. All you are sure of is that you will get through. ‘How’ is the subject matter of adventure.
Have faith and let go – of yourself, the other person, or a situation, whatever is the ask of the moment.
Surrender and enjoy the ride. You will always land up better, either on achievement or in experience.
A transformation awaits
As you keep walking the path by starting with the steps given, you will keep getting closer to yourself.
Close enough to see how imperfectly perfect you are, and close enough so you can listen to your inner voice.
Keep walking and harnessing these two gifts positively and you will never let yourself involved in any unwholesome thought or action that is against your well-being.
Namaste.